Numb
by bluetowel
Summary: Songfic. Based on Linkin Park's 'Numb'. Draco's POV including his thoughts on Ginny.
1. Numb

**DISCLAIMER:** I don't own any of the characters. All else, you can thank **J.K. Rowling for brilliantly conjuring up a story that has set the world on its tail spinning from controversies of magic & changing the thought-process of the jaded people in this world. Fiction has allowed us to escape from the regiments of real life & unleash our creativity.**

The song is **Numb by ****Linkin****Park off their latest album, ****Meteora. I was inspired by it. A wonderful song & a great band.**

_i'm__ tired of being what you want me to be | feeling so faithless | lost under the surface | i don't know what you're expecting of me | put under the pressure | of walking in your shoes_

It's easy getting people to hate you. I know. I've been doing it for years. You might even consider me an expert on this matter. Every twist, every turn, I can feel the penetrating stares of the people surrounding me. Each gaze reflects the dislike or disdain of that person. It's a normal occurrence in my life. You'd get used to it. You HAVE to. It's the only way I survived throughout my 16 years. For these gazes tell me that I'm still alive. That even for a moment in time, there is someone out there who recognizes me, by looks, by name whichever. Living? What is living when your whole life is filled with hatred? Maybe it would better for me to die. No one would care anyway. They might even rejoice at the announcement of my death, throw a celebration party, "Bring out the champagne" someone would cry. But I'm a Malfoy & Malfoys don't give up easily to death.

_[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow] | every step that i take is another mistake to you_

Hah! How did I get this cynical? So jaded at such a young age? First would be to have a Death Eater as a father & a destroyed woman for a mother. How did the woman who gave birth to me turn out like that? **My father. I remembered watching the horrors, hours upon hours, of torture inflicted on her. She endured it all just for me. Finally she broke. I was in my 5th year at Hogwarts when I received the owl, informing me that my mother had been incarcerated into the nearest mental institute. My only saviour & now she's gone. I cried silent tears for the 1st time that night & I promised it would be my last. The rest of the year passed swiftly. Father was pressing for me to get my Dark Mark. I refused, telling him in no uncertain terms would I accept the Dark Mark until I finished school. That wouldn't be long now. I have less than 2 years to make a decision. Father took my silence as an agreement.**

_i've__ | become so numb | i can't feel you there | become so tired | so much more aware | i'm becoming this | all i want to do | is be more like me | and be less like you_

I had made a decision. The most obvious actually. I would not accept it. Yes, you'd heard me right. Me, Draco Malfoy, has agreed not to be a Death Eater. Why? It's a matter of principles. I don't wish for a mark to be placed permanently on my arm. To be indebted for the rest of my life. My mother spent years fighting. Who am I to flush down everything my mother had done for the sake of my father? People assumed I would follow in my father's footsteps. Maybe it's because I gave them that impression. What they don't know is I would never be like him. Ever. Yes, there was a time I had thought of doing just that. To prove to everyone that they were right about me. Follow blindly into a life that I hate. But I broke out, defying conformity. Father doesn't know it yet. Therefore I have to keep up the pretense in school. Staying as my malevolent self, bugging Potter & his sidekicks, Weasley & Granger. It wasn't hard for despite my change of heart, it wasn't enjoyment I feel when I see them. The feeling of jealousy & a little dislike had always existed which even my current situation can't change. But now, another feeling cropped up, a feeling of despair as I watch the Golden Trio go merrily on their way while I have no one.

_can't__ you see that you're smothering me | holding too tightly | afraid to lose control | cause everything that you thought i would be | has fallen apart right in front of you_

While walking towards my next class, I felt a gaze upon my back, piercing through me. I turned to face my latest victim who would receive a verbal letdown. My statuesque demeanor, my infamous smirk, my dead-cold silvery eyes were all in place. As I locked eyes with a pair of chocolaty-brown ones, I saw something in them that I would have not thought possible. In them stood out a view of understanding. It shocked me enough (though my face remains impassive) for me to fix my eyes on the owner.

_[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow] | and every second i waste is more than i can take_

"My, my. What do we have here? Another Weasley I see?" I spat out the words as though it burnt my tongue. The youngest of the Weasley family stood rigidly, staring back at me. Taking a quick glance at her, I saw that she no longer was the frightened little chick she used to be. Her composure was calm & she held a regal air about her. She has changed just like I have. "Well, what do you want?" barking the question at her through my gritted teeth. Slowly she shook her head & in a whisper of words, said "I know how you feel Draco. You don't have to pretend." Then she took hold of my right hand & lay upon it, a kiss, on my palm. Just a tender pressure. As she dropped my hand, she flashed me a wane smile before whirling around & went on her way. I stood in the middle of the corridor, struck speechless. My senses gradually returned & I realized my right hand was close. I brought it up to my lips, unfurled my fingers & kissed the very same spot. Without another thought, I continued my way to my class.

_but__ i know | i may end up failing too | but i know | you were just like me | with someone disappointed in you_

Virginia Anne Weasley. Yes, I had _just_ found out her name. Though years I've seen her walk by me, I had never paid much attention to the youngest Weasley before. Now she has become invaluable to me. While we might not be on talking terms yet, we share a silent agreement. The conditions are not specified but deep within both of us there is a bond. Across the Great Hall, we'd seek each other out for a mere glimpse. Catching her eye, I'd bestow a smile, the most sincere smile. It was heartwarming to see her shocked face which she quickly concealed. But I can see the twinkle in her eyes as she ate her meal. I got up to leave the Great Hall & through the many stares I receive, I could feel hers. Just the once, I was grateful. Father would not approve of my acquaintanceship with her, especially a Weasley of all but for now… I do not have a care.

_i'm__ tired of being what you want me to be…_

**A/N: **Now that you've read my story, tell me what you think of it. Click the blue button below. Thank you.


	2. My Immortal

**DISCLAIMER: **The song is **My Immortal by **Evanescence** off the album, **Fallen**. The song is eerily-sad yet beautiful & the band is wonderful. The 2nd installment to my story, Ginny's POV.**

_i'm so tired of being here | suppressed by all my childish fears | and if you have to leave | i wish that you would just leave | cause your presence still lingers here | and it won't leave me alone_

I'd been watching him since that day. May it be by chance or by fate, I happen to glance in his direction as an eagle-owl swooped into the Great Hall. The creature flew overhead & a letter came descending towards him. I just continued my perusal of him. His striking face remained emotionless but there was a flicker of surprise in his eyes. It's evident he wasn't expecting a letter of any sort. He opened it and skimmed through the content. Whatever was written in it MUST have been devastating for him. He suddenly looked up - right at me & in the split second his eyes, that were usually so hard & unfeeling, held an emotion common to us _mere mortals_: **SORROW. The sight of it sent a blow directly to my heart. But I know he didn't really see me. He was too caught up in his grief & while his eyes reflect his emotions, his mind as I can tell had gone to a nether-world. Quickly, he stood up & left the Great Hall, clutching the letter to his heart. I watched him leave. I also watched the people around him. It seemed no one had noticed his departure or if they did, no one cared. Was I the only one?**

_these wounds won't seem to heal |this pain is just too real | there's just too much that time cannot erase_

Silently, I followed him. He was moving at a very fast pace & though the halls were empty, I almost lost sight of him a few times. He was making his way down towards, what I presume, was the Slytherins' quarters. We ventured onto a place in Hogwarts I'd never been before. As you should know by now, the school is very huge & even after spending 4 years here, there are still rooms, concealed or not, that I haven't discovered. Suddenly he turned at the next corner & as I didn't want to lose him, I quickened my steps. I barely managed to stop just before the corner. Peering round it, I saw him, sitting at a landing on the hidden stairs. He was looking out of the window, at a view far away but what stunned me was the presence of tears, slipping down his pale cheeks. He didn't sob nor bawl, just weep in silence. Somehow that wretches at my heart even more. I had never seen him showing any emotion apart from scorn, malice & embitterment yet here, he was crying albeit softly. I couldn't stop my own tears from falling. I didn't know how to comfort him; I don't even know why he cries yet misery loves company. I know he won't readily accept any help from a stranger & especially not from a Weasley. So I left him there… _alone._

_when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears | when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears | i held your hand through all of these years | but you still have | all of me_

I bid my time, finding out details of his life, his friends, what he likes. It wasn't easy. No one really knows him & he keeps to himself most of the time. It's obvious he wasn't a very likable person. Most hated him for the way he treats them while others loathe him just for being a Malfoy He was an enigma. Crabbe & Goyle knows zilch about him. I even stooped to asking Pansy & all it got me was an earache. The only person who seem to know much (quite surprisingly) turns out to be Blaise Zabini. He was a tall, quiet person, very good-looking with a strong persona, hardly in the limelight & I admit I had never really taken the time to become friendly with. Yet he was very helpful, providing information but never asking me why I wanted to know. There were things that were common in the three of us, seeking acceptance by our peers, hoping for some attention, hiding a past. I found out about Draco's relationship with his parents, how he has to live up to his family's name, defying his father on getting the Dark Mark till after his school years & the reason for his sudden breakdown, losing his mother. She isn't dead but her mind is gone. She had been his stability against his father's tyranny. Years of torture had finally taken its toll. As I stood listening to Blaise's recount, iciness filled me. I can't imagine a life filled with such horrors. More it appears that someone needs to be there for him.

_you used to captivate me | by your resonating life | now i'm bound by the life you left behind | your face it haunts | my once pleasant dreams |  your voice it chased away | all the sanity in me_

He was watching them, the Dream Team. As usual, he had his infamous smirk & the insults were rolling of his tongue, baiting them. Ron, of course, was the first to lose his temper. Harry would have a puzzled look while Hermione was the rational one. She ignores the flying insults, grabs Ron & drags Harry away. They never even gave him a second glance. That is how they are - secluded in their own world, they miss the look of pure despair that clouded his face. He no longer enjoys the sparring & if they stepped out of that world, they'd hear it in his voice. It resembled a familiar feeling, something of mine. I know now that three's company, four's a crowd. He was off to his next class when I felt it was time he knows there is someone for him.

_these wounds won't seem to heal |this pain is just too real | there's just too much that time cannot erase_

"My, my. What do we have here? Another Weasley I see?" his voice rang out filling my ears. I just stood, staring at him. No longer do I feel the need to cower or hide when faced with a challenge & especially not with this Slytherin. He doesn't know it but the months that I trailed after him, I came to be familiar with a side of him so different than what he presents to the world. Somehow along the way, he was no longer an irritable git or an empty-shell, cold & unreachable but he was a name to a face, someone with real feelings, which bleeds if pricked, who hurts & be wounded at the same time. To me, he was Draco, _just_ Draco. Not a Malfoy neither was he all the names given to him by everyone else. "Well, what do you want?" he barked out the words. I could see he was hurting underneath that exterior. Slowly, I shook my head & said "I know how you feel Draco. You don't have to pretend." Without a second thought, I took hold of his right hand & kissed it. It was the only way I know of to ease his suffering. Releasing his hand, the feeling of loneliness & lost filled me but I flashed him a smile. Then I took to my heel & went on my way.

_i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone | but though you're still with me | i've been alone all along_

Here I am again in the Great Hall for the morning meal. I've been sitting here for the last fifteen minutes, trying not to look over to the Slytherins' table but I could feel my willpower failing. Slowly I seek out for a pair of silvery-blue eyes. My intention was to see if he was around. Just at that moment, our eyes locked & the most amazing thing happened; he smiled. A simple, untainted smile. A smile of gratitude, the most sincere smile. Surprised as I was but I quickly fought the blush that was rising to my face. Ignoring him in a way, I started eating but inside, a song was bursting in my mind & my heart was beating madly. How cliché.  Then I sensed movement from the Slytherin table. Draco had gotten up & was making his way out of the Great Hall. Though his back was facing me, I smiled at him & I know he knows it. Taking a last glimpse of his platinum-blond head, I went back to my meal, grinning.

**A/N:** I HAD to add in Blaise LOL, something about that unknown person intrigues me.


End file.
